My Not So Secret Obsession

I have an obsession only some close friends and family know of – and I wont waste your time here: it’s the Olympics. Both the summer and winter games although I only take off work for the summer Olympics. To put this in perspective I give up vacation days to sit at home and watch my television for a week in the summer every 4 years. I bought a stupidly gigantic TV this year because I want to feel like I’m almost in Sochi, Russia for the 2014 winter games and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for the 2016 summer games.

To give you another example of how invested I am in the Olympic games I know off the top of my head that on September 7th, 2013 the International Olympic Committee (IOC) will be choosing from 3 cities (Tokyo, Madrid, and Istanbul)

logosat the 125th IOC session in Buenos Aires, Argentina to see who will be hosting the summer games in 2020. (For the record my educated guess is Tokyo, followed closely by Istanbul and Madrid is 3rd but who knows miracles have happened before and they almost beat Rio for the 2016 slot which at this point it looks as though they should have due to the overwhelming protests Rio is dealing with because of preparations for said Olympic games and the 2014 FIFA World Cup.)

FYI – The 2018 winter Olympics city has already been chosen to be PyeongChang, South Korea which I know sounds strange but I assure you it’s not. Also if I had to guess the next time any Olympic games would be on American soil I would say either the 2024 in Los Angeles (although the Toronto bid is strong) or 2026 in Salt Lake City, Utah for the winter games. So yeah, I’m super into it.

The first Olympics I remember watching was the summer Olympics of 1996. I tuned in because at the time I was a huge Orlando Magic fan (NBA team) and more specifically a Shaquille O’Neal fan (starting Center on the Orlando Magic) – so I needed to see him compete with the USA Basketball team. That week I was visiting my grandparents in Saratoga, NY and I begged and pleaded to stay up late enough to catch a replay of the game that happened earlier that day in Atlanta, GA.

Around 11pm that night I was sitting in my grandparent’s living room on a fluffy pillow in the middle of the hardwood floor aimed directly at the television. Behind me in their respective chairs both of my grandparents were completely passed out and had been for several hours which was fantastic because they would have never let 9 year old me stay up that late otherwise. My knees were digging into the ground through the pillow making it extremely uncomfortable but I fought through it because I was almost there. The promised land. The greatest show on earth. As the broadcast started on July 20th, 1996 (USA’s first game against Argentina) my mind was racing.

Before I dive deeper let me explain this team so that even if you don’t like or understand basketball you’re on the same page as me. For what it’s worth I consider the 1996 USA Men’s Basketball team to be the second best team in all of sports history. I’m not talking just basketball – I’m talking the second best group of human beings playing any sport of all time. And they would be #1 easily if it wasn’t for the 1992 USA Men’s team. See in 1992 the Olympics began to allow professional basketball players participate in the Olympics. Prior to 1992 only semi-pro players could play which meant the USA teams were mostly made up of the best collegiate players in the nation. That’s not to say we weren’t a force to be reckoned with before 1992 as we had won 9 gold medals in Olympics past but since then it has become a popular past time in many other regions of the world and America was not the overall favorite at every Olympic games in the 1980’s. In 1992 that all changed.

In 1992 the USA Men’s Basketball team didn’t lose one game on their way to a gold medal and furthermore their average margin of victory was 43.8 points. That’s a large amount for anyone wondering. Not only did they win, but they absolutely destroyed every team that got in their way. Sports Illustrated later stated that the Dream Team was “arguably the most dominant squad ever assembled in any sport” with the likes of Michael Jordan (the greatest basketball player of all time), Larry Bird (Best shooter in my opinion/small forward of all time in most peoples opinions), Magic Johnson (best point guard of all time hands down), Charles Barkley (Said to be the slowest and fattest guy on the court, but also one of the leading scorers on the team and one of the best power forwards of all time), Karl Malone & John Stockton (One of the best power forwards and point guards respectively of all time, and arguably the best duo of all time), Patrick Ewing (top 10 centers of all time), Clyde Drexler( top 10 shooting guards of all time), David Robinson (top 10 centers all time), Chris Mullin (50 greatest players of all time), Scottie Pippin (top 5 small forwards of all time), and last and certainly least Christian Laettner who had no right being there but he hit one amazing shot to win at the end of a game that some consider the greatest basketball game ever played.) All but one (you can guess which) of those players are in basketballs Hall of Fame for their individual efforts and the entire team is immortalized in the HoF as the first accurately named  “Dream Team.” If you ever want to learn more about said team watch this fantastic documentary on youtube fo free.

1992 – Jordan, Ewing, Johnson, Malone, Barkley

Sadly I was 4 years old in 1992 and did not yet have the level of appreciation for Olympic basketball as I did in 1996, so when I sat down to watch my first USA basketball game that night I was hearing about 1992 like it was already a legend. The 1996 team had 5 players from 1992 – Karl Malone, John Stockton, Scottie Pippin, David Robinson, and Charles Barkley. The new players included Shaquille O’Neal (top 5 centers of all time), Hakeem Olajuwon (top 5 centers of all time), Gary Payton (top 10 point guards of all time), Reggie Miller (2nd on the list of most 3 pointers ever made), Mitch Richmond (6 time NBA All-Star), Grant Hill (7 time NBA All-Star), and Penny Hardaway (3 time NBA All-Star). The margin of victory in 1996 ended up being a measly 32.3 points – not over 40, but it still did the job.

1996 Dream Team

Throughout the game these players would show off their talent against a well put together Argentina team that had no chance from the get go. John Stockton would throw a no look pass to Karl Malone for an easy dunk. From time to time head coach Larry Wilkens would put Shaq (7 foot 1), Hakeem (7 feet), and David Robinson (7 foot 1) in simultaneously which was just amazingly unfair. Reggie Miller would drain a 3 like he did in the other teams nightmares. I swear to this day I didn’t blink for long extended periods of time on purpose so I wouldn’t miss a single play. That year the Dream Team won the championship game 95 to 69 against FR Yugoslavia (now Serbia) – a blowout to end all blowouts.

When my grandparents woke up as the game ended and my obsession had taken complete hold of me I was in tears. My grandmother, obviously concerned that her grandson was sitting by himself in the dark and crying asked me what was wrong. I looked up at her, wiped the tears from my face and said “nothing. Nothing is wrong.” That night was the first time I  remember crying tears of joy.

To this day if I am asked what my overall goals in life are I say the ones that are sort of obvious: I want to be a writer and musician full time, but besides that – one day, I want to watch the USA Men’s Basketball team at the Olympics win a gold medal. And whomever is with me that day must be prepared, because I’m going to cry like a little baby. And if it’s my future wife (crosses fingers, knocks on wood at the same time) she will have to come to terms with the fact that she just witnessed the greatest moment of my life (tied of course with children and day of marriage) but it’s absolutely tied with no questions asked.

So – now that you know that about me what are your incredibly specific obsessions that no one really knows about? Let me know.

Til next time thanks for reading,

Ryan

About Georgia Bound

Updates have been sparse due to the fact that I just finished principal filming and I’m soon to be editing a short film plus I’m writing a book with a release timeline of Spring 2014 – but I thought I’d give the blog at least a little something today.

Georgia Bound (Click for PDF) is a feature length film script I wrote in the summer of 2009 and edited with the help of my friend/editor Abigail Storiale – until I had a final product in 2011. Since then I’ve written two books and a short film that is coming out this fall plus a number of other things that no one will ever see and some things that people will see if they choose too.

The synopsis for the script is: In an effort to save his relationship, recent high school graduate Jim must venture south of the Mason-Dixon with the help of his new acquaintance, a mentally unstable taxi cab driver.

The script follows this kid who is desperate but is about to find out how far he would really go to save the only thing in his life that gives him happiness. It’s a coming of age tale and really worked out well as the first thing I had ever written because the premise isn’t a new one and the story is simple.

Through writing this I learned some film fundamentals – that every page of a script is about a minute of film time – there are certain points of almost every movie ever made that you should hit including establishing your major characters and then playing around with their personalities and eventually the all if lost moment followed by some sort of redemption. The all is lost moment is my favorite because once you know about it you’ll see it in everything. It’s basically the moment about 20-30 minutes before the end of the movie where all hope seems lost and you think there is no way for these main characters who hopefully by this time in the story you are rooting for will pull this one off – but then miraculously they find a way! Most movies are like this for a reason – a large portion of the population loves the formula. So for my first go at a movie script, I used it to teach myself that exact formula.

At the time I wrote it because I just wondered if I could write a movie script. Prior to sitting in my basement for two months that summer I had never written anything of creative worth – so this was a total shot in the dark. Now it serves at a spec script, meaning that it will hopefully someday prove to someone with a bunch of money that I can write a movie. If you find the time I invite you to give it a read – I’m very proud of it, and not because I think it’s amazing (I don’t think that) but because I think that I had an idea one day and then worked on it until I liked it – which is the most important part in my opinion for anything you choose to do in life.

Have a good one,

Ryan

Chapter 1

The usual cycle of my writing projects is that I’ll be smack dab in the middle of one when I need to start another. The “Ian and the Bishop” short film movie cast and crew are three weeks from rehearsals and then quickly after that we start shooting. There is a bunch more to do and not a whole lot of time to do it…so what do I do with some of my free time? Write something else completely different.

It drives me insane while being the only thing that genuinely keeps me sane simultaneously. I wrote the first scene of Ian and the Bishop a month before Odessa Red was finished. I wrote Odessa Red’s first chapter half way through putting together TLDNR. It’s a vicious cycle  – which by the way would be a sweet band name. So in my usual fashion I started writing something else. So far I’ve gotten good feedback besides my editor telling me I suck at the English language, which I totally do, but I like the premise so I might stick with it after the film wraps. Who knows. It doesn’t even have a working title yet – if you think of one, let me know.  I’ve written 2 chapters and you’re about to read the first. It has errors galore and according to Abigail “misplaced modifiers everywhere” whatever that witchcraft means, but the core of the first chapter is there. So, let me know what you think.

CLICK THIS FIRST PAGE TO OPEN THE PDF DUDES

HB2

Jurassic Park 4D: The Adventures of Zeb and Teddy

On a whim I started to write/produce an audio book with my friend Marc Gibson – cause I thought it would be fun and I needed a productive distraction from that movie I’m making this summer. We were talking about what would actually happen if Jurassic Park ended up being a real place. Then because there are two of us we decided two fictional characters should go through this scenario.  It’s in the future – Jurassic Park is opening of at Universal Studios and these two nerdy dudes who love this movie to death get the chance to be on the first ride along with the original cast…and then everything goes wrong.

Each episode will be  6-15 minutes long and it is available for free listens on SoundCloud (below)  Take a listen – it’s gonna be lots of fun!

More Things to Say When You Get Injured

When you get injured in any way you are always asked the question, “How did that happen?” After the 20th time you get the question it starts to become taxing to say the same thing over and over again…so….you start to make things up. A lot of people have the default made up answer of, “I fought a bear…and you should see the bear.”

Vicious creatures.

Sometimes I add on, “You can’t see the bear though, because due to my undying respect for animals I gave him a proper burial.” Then I watch as laughs turn to groans and it’s awesome (for me.)

But I think there needs to be way more answer options to have in our arsenals when we are injured and get that question. You can’t say you fought a bear every time, because then even THAT will get boring. So I decided to sit down and think of some more things to say…and here they are:

  • I was vaulted into the future and took part in a robot vs. human’s war where a giant mechanic version of Osama Bin Laden fell on me after I stabbed him in the face with an ice pick.
  • I was racing Koala bears in South America when all of a sudden poachers stormed in and I got this wound from hacking and slashing my own bull knife that was given to me by the local chieftain after I saved his daughter from a forest fire.
  • Cage Match with Carrot Top
  • A school of midgets attacked me from all sides like a pack of tiny awkward werewolves.
  • I burnt myself with coffee…that was brewed on the god damn sun…it was Sun coffee.
  • Oh this? Got this on my trip to the arctic – My partner fell through the ice and I pulled her to safety and to save her from hypothermia I wrapped my body around her like a man cocoon.
  • I Twittered way too hard last night.
  • Freak Violin accident
  • I high-fived the hulk.
  • Got caught up in an Ugg fire. I was burning all of the Uggs. Now I have this scar. Totally worth it.
  • I saw a woman with her feet up on the passenger dashboard of a car across the highway so I jumped the divider and then one thing lead to another and now I need all of the surgeries.
  • I broke up a fight between Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen. It was boss.
  • Reinjured it while in Retail Physical Therapy
  • Some dude was all like, “You can’t put shrapnel in the microwave!” and then I was all like, “WANNA BET BRO?!” so yeah, no more face.
  • She broke my heart man…and then my leg.
  • Remember when I died for like 3 minutes? Completely Unresponsive. Brain dead, really. Yeah, well I guess I was in heaven for a bit and randomly met up with Macho Man Randy Savage. The dude dropped a bow on me. It was great.
  • I didn’t start the fire. It was always burning since this world has been turning. Either way though, smoke inhalation is a real bitch.
  • Entered a boxing match against a bull with red shorts on.
  • Flash Gordon scissor kicked me.
  • I was Tubthumping.
  • I was on the red carpet when Joan Rivers called Adele fat and me and Ryan Seacrest were the first to try and break up the fight…Adele has a mean haymaker.
  • How many bullets where inside 50 cent? Well whatever, it was a bunch more than that. While on an erupting volcano.
  • Tom Cruise electrocuted me.
  • I was on this juice cleanse diet and my insides drowned themselves.
  • I was singing a cover of La Roux’s “Bulletproof” on the street and then some vagrant was all like, “Wanna bet?!”
  • Yeah, turns out I’m The Last Airbender.
  • Got this one when I rode that Eagle to the world fair in 1930. Also I’m immortal, so, not a big deal.
  • Battle Royale: Me vs. M. Night Shama-lama-dingdong. The twist ending was me pushing him off a cliff into a dark abyss.
  • Got shot out of a cannon at clown school
  • An onslaught of Corgis happened. I don’t want to talk about it!
  • I was reading YouTube comments where Atheists and Christians were ripping into each other and then I proceeded to slam my face into the keyboard.
  • I played Baskiceball with the Erickson brothers. It was a total blood bath.
  • I hopped aboard the murder train.
  • I had to get down on Friday.
  • Bit too hard into my 8 candy necklaces.
  • The door knob shocked me while I was standing in water and using a blender to chop up old hard drives and stray pieces of glass.
  • Gravity is a bitch.
  • I French fried when I should have pizza’d.
  • …it was that stupid blue shell again.
  • This? You don’t even wanna know…oh you do? Well…okay. So I was looking towards the sky as a shooting star threw itself across my vision like cotton on a breezy day – I looked around me and saw a long stretch of rope. Picked that shit up, tied a few knots, and starting whipping it around my head. As it got faster and faster the star got further and further away – and at just the right time I hurled the rope as fast as my arms would let me – and it flew across the horizon, out of this world, light years away until it wrapped tightly around that beast of a star. Before the rope pulled tight I wrapped it around my waist – and then WOOSH I went flying up into the sky – just before I hit the top of the atmosphere I took one last breath and waved goodbye to the Earth. The Star was headed out of our solar system, it had seen all it needed to see and picked up a passenger in the meantime so it decided to move on – I passed Mars and ate it like a candy bar, I dodged asteroids while fixing my belt, I rode the storm on Jupiter like Pecos Bill in the Tall Tales, I river danced across the rings of Saturn, held my laughing back on Uranus, took a picture of Neptune to send to Poseidon (we have fun), and softly pet Pluto for old time sake.  For years and years we traveled, boldly going where no man riding a star had gone before. Met an Extra Terrestrial, who when he found out we called them that he that said, “I mean, I might have gained a little weight over this past cosmological decade, but not enough to call me extra.” Then he cried. It was sweet. Then an immense amount of time passed, but I did not age at all. Until one day while sitting on a planet light years away from home I looked up to the star and said, “You know what. I know when I go back no one I knew will be alive…hell, the earth might not even be there. But I think the end of my story is me knowing what happened to where I came from, because without that land to stand on I could have never caught a star.” The star looked down upon me, obviously disappointed, but she understood. When we finally got back to Earth it was a little rustier than before and the O-Zone was all but gone – but it still had that green and blue I missed so much. The star set me down where my home used to be; now a field of a plant I did not recognize. As I waved good bye to the star I turned to see what was ahead of me. I had ridden around the universe – to the edge of it and back – but I didn’t do the one thing I had always wanted to do. Have an adventure on a land I called my home. Oh, also there was some time travel involved somewhere…not a big deal…and I tripped over a rock and scraped my knee. Wanna grab me that ointment? Cool, thanks.

Follow Your Dreams

So many people say that. It’s almost always the answer to the question, “How do I succeed?” along with “Work hard every day” and “Never give up.” Etc etc

I absolutely hate vague direction. Follow Your Dreams, as a mindset, is vague. Following your dreams has a very simple check list – and if you are planning on having your dreams come true (cause who in the hell doesn’t want that) then you should follow it. So…here it is:

  1. Do you actually want it? Cause you seem to be bitching out here and there. You have some other things to do. Work/School is really busy right now. Sleeping is really great. Listen, I get it. Your dreams aren’t all that important – OH WAIT YES THEY ARE, THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOU. How about you make time for them? You will always and forever be your first obstacle.
  2. Use that time wisely. You can be good at something without practice, but you’re never going to be great without it. You are looking for perfection and if your reply to the thought of perfection is, “Being 100% perfect isn’t possible” then you are never going to see your dreams come true. Your answer, every time should be, “I WILL be perfect, and if I’m not perfect yet, I will work every day and every night towards perfection.”
  3. Step 3 is the most important step of them all. You have made time for your dreams. You have practiced and practiced and honed your craft – you’re not as great as you can be because there is always room to get better, though you’re pretty god damn impressive. But there are obstacles other than you. Naysayers. Doubters. Haters. Misanthropes. Objects that claim to be immovable and people that claim to be Impenetrable. When it comes to situations like those I subscribe to one phrase and one phrase only: Screw em. Step 3 is Screw em. Over and over. Everything time those objects or people are all up in your grill. Screw. Em.
  4. Step 4 is almost as important as Step 3. Enjoying the fruits of your labor. That fruit tastes delicious. The amount of time you choose to enjoy yourself is up to you – I usually choose the shortest amount of time. For me the greatest amount of fun and pride comes from the buildup to enjoyment – when I reach the peak I get a good look, breath in the fresh air, and then start to head back down to do it all over again. The best part about fulfilling your dreams is that it can happen over and over again – as many times as you let it.

You and I both need to come to the conclusion that life is too short to suck at anything we do. Being mediocre is a decision. We CAN choose otherwise.

What Your Phone Says About You

96.5% of the United States population owns a cell phone. That means that no matter what age you are, there is a good chance your pocket feels like it’s vibrating from time to time but no one is trying to contact you – take solace in the fact that it’s just your body being a dick.

Without trying to make a vacuuming generalization (I hate sweeping generalizations but I have to call them something) – the mobile phone is without a doubt in the top 5 best inventions of all time. In fact here is my top 5 for future reference:

5. The Telephone (But let’s be serious, The Mobile Phone is where it’s at. Suck it Alexander Graham Bell.)

4. Antibiotics (What up disease.)

3. The Printing Press (Or as I like to call it, Microsoft Word’s Great Grandpapa)

2. The Clock (More precisely the concept of telling time. And for the record, If you’re still using sundials you are so two thousand and late)

1. The Toilet (No invention has saved more lives. Seriously. Look it up. And later check out water.org – dropping human waste removal knowledge like it’s hot.)

But back to my point – I know many people, including myself, who live and die by their phone. Hell, if my phone’s battery is at 20% battery by 9pm on a Friday night I’m most likely having a panic attack. That’s not even a joke. It actually happens.

Similar to every major industry, diversification helps to drive private and public companies toward better, more technologically advanced phones as time goes on. (That would be my beginning sentence if I was writing a High School term paper about the telephone. Holler at my English teachers.)

In layman terms – every time some dude from Apple Bottom Jeans or MicroSofties gets up on stage and tells us they’re holding THE NEXT BIG THING – everyone else in the business takes it as a challenge to, not just make the next next big thing, but to make THE big thing. This only bodes well for us, the consumers. Personally I want all of the fun things and if it turns out all of the fun things are super-duper amazing, then I’d say I’m better off. (And as those same English teachers from before cringe, I take a bow.)

Pulling from the list of top mobile phone sales by year on the all seeing all knowing website Wikipedia, I’ll break down what owning a specific phone model says about you.

Ebony and Ivory

The iPhone 5: It’s the last product our buddy Steve worked on before he checked out for good. It’s taller. It’s thinner. It has a camera that everyone tells me is better although I think they might be yanking my chain on that one. Owning the newest iPhone is like owning the newest car. It doesn’t mean you’re better than me…but at the same time it sorta does…but whatever. I’ll tomahawk your ass, you don’t even know!!

iPhone 4 or 4s: “I don’t know what the big deal is with the new one. This one is working just fine. Like,  I get an upgrade that makes the future iPhone like, one billion dollars instead of two billion dollars in like seventy years, so like, I’ll figure it out then…ya know?….Like.” Says everyone ever.

Older iPhones: You’re either in college or homeless. Or both.

The Galaxy: ohhhhhh ahhhhhhhh shut up

Samsung Galaxy: We get it. Apple fanbois are lame and it’s so nice to be thinking outside the box with your Android phone. Again – I’ll reiterate because it’s so important. We. Get. It. You’re unique! You’re an individual! Also 80 million other people bought these phones so you might want to find a bigger bandwagon to jump on that doesn’t have as many insufferable people.

220px-Samsung_Galaxy_Note

Note the Piece of plastic that people with fingers find extra useless

Samsung Galaxy Note: Anything that comes with a stylus these days is horrible. Promptly throw it out.

Any HTC Phone: These phones are like early in life relationships – they go through phases. First is the cupcake phase where everyone is jolly and the world is a new and brighter place. Then the complacency sets in. Maybe sometimes you get the stink lens because you get caught looking at other phones. You get accused of not touching the screen the way you did when you first brought it home. Maybe you love it but you’re not “in” love with it. It shuts down without warning. Its mood freezes up for absolutely no reason. It’s a giant bitch who cheats on you and then it’s somehow YOUR GOD DAMN FAULT!!!!!!!!! …….Umm…Maybe just get another phone.

Ever notice how Crackberry and Crackbaby are eerily similar words? Photo: http://aquanhaphoto.com

Crackberry: If you ever want an accessory to make it look like you are constantly late for a meeting – this is it. You are now considered old school with your physical buttons and your little ball or arrows that do gosh knows what. Seeing “Sent from my Blackberry” is now like seeing an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker. It’s so rare; it might as well be extinct.

Motorola – Nokia – LG – ZTE – ETC: You might think ETC stands for some phone brand. It doesn’t. It stands for etcetera – although that would be a great brand name. PATENT PENDING. – All of these different companies have a lot in common. They run some form of Android and/or their own operating systems. They think “apps” is still a word people care about. They have phones the size of tablets but they refuse to call them that because they’re edgy.

I for one look forward to our new toaster overlords

These are the phones you’ll walk into a Radio Shack or a Verizon/AT&T ETC (patent pending) store and the salesman will be pushing on that random day to meet their quota. Sales people will tell you things like, “the screens are so clear that you can watch movies on them! OhMyGherd!” You can literally watch movies on anything these days. There are freaking toasters that play videos now. Your weird phone isn’t special.

Flip Phones: You’re super lame but you also still have the ability to slam your phone shut when you’re trying to make a point which makes me peanut butter and jealous.

Brick Phones: Just….stop it. Stop it right now. Cut it out. It’s over. Just…..stop it with your stupid face. Get with the times, people. If you owned a brick phone and your name was, oh I don’t know…Kate? You would be two thousand and Kate. And that’s worse somehow….so stop it.

Kate.I.Am

Kate.I.Am

A Letter to My Little Man

This is an essay from my book TLDNR: A Book of Essays for your Face to Ingest – I’m putting it here now because it’s one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever written/it’s different from my norm. Also it was written as a slam poem soooo that’s a thing.

In elementary school they always asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. Aside from the fact the growing up scared the hell out of me, I never had a tough time answering that question. When the droopy faced sweat pant wearing child next to me exclaimed, “Astronaut” I laughed. When the curly haired pin stripe girl across the room yelled “actress” I smiled and looked up at the ceiling squinting as hard as I could to see if my X-Ray vision had kicked in yet. Then the question came to me. “Ryan,” asked the puffy hair circle face flowered dress teacher, “what do you want to do when you grow up?” “Well,” said the slightly pudgy only kid in 2nd grade with bifocal glasses red reindeer sweater wearing boy… “I want to be a daddy.”

Ever since I can remember infants were my kryptonite. When I see a tiny child stare back at me with its newly opened eyes and its disproportionate head cocked to the side, I tend to melt uncontrollably. By the time I come back to reality my friends are overly concerned for my well being, while I am overly concerned about how I can one day make something so beautiful.

Every once and a while my mind will pole vault into a future I know so well. I’m sitting on a floor holding my little man’s arms up as he learns to walk. Every time the little guy falls I lean in as if he knows what I’m saying, “good try little man, but this time keep your eyes on me, okay?” He looks back at me as if to say, “Pick me up again! This time I’m sure I’ll do it!”

I have so many lessons for my little man that I can barely contain my wind pipes from expelling a world of knowledge at any given moment to a person who doesn’t even understand the air it breathes.

I have hope for you little man, almost as much hope as I have for myself. I hope that I do a good job raising you and teaching you all that I have learned and if I don’t know the answer to your question I hope the one I make up is a damn good one.

I hope I can paint the sky on your eyes so you never stop flying. I hope I can light the evening up for you just enough so you won’t be afraid of those big bad monsters in the shadows but not so bright that you can’t see the fireflies dance around our backyard. I hope that all the bed time stories I make up for you have a beginning and a middle but lets you take the end wherever you choose it to go. I hope that every smile on your face comes from your heart and not your mind because the mind can be a formidable foe.

Little man, I won’t tell you that your options are limitless but I will tell you that your hands can pull you to wherever you choose to reach. I won’t tell you that your actions don’t have consequences but I will tell you that those consequences can sometimes be as satisfying as the actions themselves.

I will, however, tell you that you should never settle. My little boy, my little man, you will not be the man at one side of the lake asking, “how far?” You will be the man in the row boat asking the world if it wants to race. You will not be the man on the edge of the cliff, no, you will be the man watching the ground become closer and closer and pull the string only when you see the ground throw in the white towel.

I believe in you little man, and because of you, I believe in myself. I promise I will hold your little hand as we walk across the street to drop you off at school. You will be the only kid in 2nd grade with an aluminum transformers lunch box and not one but two fruit roll ups a day, every day.

And hopefully, sometime, when you are sitting in class staring at the ceiling and the teacher asks you “what you want to be when you grow up” your answer won’t be, “I want to be a daddy.” No, your answer will be, “I want to be like my daddy.”

That’s my little man.

Current Project Updates

Sup Internet?

If you are a close friend of mine you already know all of this because I bring it up in conversation as much as possible to be annoying and also it makes me proud of myself which doesn’t happen often. Or ever.

After I found out you can self publish on Amazon.com I immediately started working on publishing my first book of Essays: Too Long Did Not Read: A Book of Essays for your Face to Ingest (TLDNR). I knew a very small amount of people would buy it but in all reality I didn’t write it because I was looking for a get rich quick scheme. I wrote it because I love writing and I wanted to create a packaged product that I could be proud of and show to the important people in my life.

When I got that book in my hands it was all over. I wanted more immediately. Luckily, the first book I published was actually not the first one I started writing. TLDNR was a distraction book. I had hit writers block on a Fiction project I am still working on and TLDNR jostled my brain just enough in another direction that it got me out of my funk.

As of right now I am 5 or 6 chapters from being done with my Fiction project and have started my second Essay collection book. I have a few separate ideas for what the Essay project will be called and when it’s about half way done I’ll announce it here.

The fiction project is at a point where I am looking for publishers just for kicks. If no one picks it up (very likely) I will sell it for cheap on Amazon myself in Kindle and Paperback. Here is the book summary:

“Loner High School Senior Grant Nichols finds himself in the middle of an Odessa, Texas street with a knife in his hand, a pile of unidentifiable corpses behind him, and enough policemen with cowboy hats pointing their guns at him to cause at least a little bit of concern.

As Grant chooses to run, he brings the reader up to date through flash backs as to why he might not be as bad as the people with guns think he is, how his dream girl might not be so dreamy, and why he is not even close to the biggest problem the town of Odessa will be facing in the foreseeable future. “

As I gain progress on both of these projects I’ll let everyone know what’s up here.

Later Days, Internet.