When I’m not full time jobbing or writing- my other hobby is being a hardcore rapper….or more accurately writing and producing rap songs with my friends that are recorded in a closest that we call our “studio.” It’s a combination of talents to create sounds. I write the lyrics and rap as well as I possibly can, my friend Adam records, masters, raps, and sings, – and the rest of my friends patiently listen to tell me if it’s good or not. On this new song we put another one of our friends, Elliot “Steezy Neezy” Smith on the track because like all white people, rapping is a secret guilty pleasure hobby he desperately wanted to try.

This new song is called “The Floor is Lava.” There are a bunch of references to a bunch of things that aren’t all that important – but I like writing them anyway. Also, I’ve always wanted to rap about The Busy World of Richard Scarry. Take a listen and download (for free) if you like it! And if you so happen to show it to like, one million friends, I wouldn’t be totally against it. Lyrics are below.

CHORUS
(Shout) Jolly Good show!
If you see us on the streets we got no money to blow
We’re going old school, that’s all we can afford
We’re dropping A major cause We’re striking a chord (Come On)

We don’t have a plan
If we did you’d see us strutting
With that money in hand

I think we hit our stride, pick up your feet, got nothin’ to fear
Let’s pretend the floor is lava, and dance til it is crystal clear

Verse 1: RYAN
I’m an addict for the dramatics; I confuse your use for love
But with this world as my witness, I think I can rise above
You see I have this certain swagger, not the normal kind of course
Yeah my friends they call me Old Spice, Look he’s riding on a horse

I can run four minute miles, Take an eagle in a fight
I’m so fly I can’t be wrong because I’m always Orville Wright
This is a sticky situation; we need to mediate this quickly
Write to PO box 963 with Attention to Mr. Stickly

They call my dick skittles, biddies tasting on my rainbow
Tend to be in high demand like labor at home depot
If you think that I’m self centered, just take a step back
And know that I am lying about everything on this track

You see, that’s what raps are, just a cavalcade of lies
If I rapped what I really thought, It’d be sweet potato fries

So let’s pretend for a moment
That my monies making money
Wearing dollar green vests
Hit The Beets like Doug Funnie!

2nd CHORUS /w
I think we hit our stride, pick up your feet, got nothin’ to lose
Let’s pretend the floor is lava, and dance til we run out of booze

Verse 2: ELLIOT
New 20 inch rims on all 4 sides
I choose my car over food but ramen will be fine
If my game were horses mine would have to be glue
And if my name were style, I’d lose myself to blue’s clues

If your dick is skittles mines the everlasting gob stopper
Willy wonka want my recipe, V. Salt wants me to Pop her

In my nature to spend money, call my wallet kill bills
If Travolta tries to stab me he’ll meet my Royale with chi grill

Rackin drinks at the bar yeah I never go wrong,
Rum and cokes so instrumental better call em’ my song

When Sunday morning comes around, man you know it’s fam break
Always hittin up the coffee break where they know to split the check
Leave Kate in the dust at the end of our meals
Stab her in the face for tix to deal or no deal (Don’t cha know!)

Team Big pretties represent as I start to transfix
But listen I’ll hafta to call ya back once I finish Netflix (BITCH)

Original CHORUS

Verse 3: ADAM

Might not be poppin’ bottles
But I’m poppin’ now in your chest
You can call me Gravedigger
From the way I’m alive but bury the rest

I don’t go HAM, I go turkey
Breakin’ each and every leg
And if I ever need a wish
I’ll dig up all those bones I save

Yeah you can tell I’m magic
In my busy world of Richard Scarry
Just got the master key at Gringotts
“You’re a Fuckin’ Wizard Harry!”

So here we are with these ambitions
Hitting the tracks of life full force
Plus I’ll be down for making babies
When I get pushed off my high horse

But in truth you’re more than objects cause our mommas raised us right
But if you want a sketchy STD I won’t put up that fight
Cause I’m worth it and I know it that’s why I won’t let you get me down
The best offense is a good defense and I’m going hard downtown

You look encumbered
Hate is baggage
Empty your pockets
That looks average
Maybe you should fly you fools
To ensure your fellowships safe passage

At my house party
CT Lovin’
Drinks are flowing
Subs Wub-Wubbin’
Get your feet up off this floor
It’s this fire that we are lovin’!

2nd CHORUS

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