Happiness is subjective, as is everything else…ever. I don’t think of Happiness as being part of an ever moving scale. To me you’re Happy or you’re Not Happy. You can be 0 or 1, no decimals or fractions in the middle.
Being Happy is a choice (something I talked about in that book I wrote that no one bought…I’m totally not bitter) but obviously that choice is a lot easier to make when you perceive your life to be filled with general positivity. In the case of your life being 99% positive and 1% negative, if you are not an incredibly well adjusted individual (and let’s be honest, who is?) that 1% will most likely make you feel unhappy. Maybe not all the time, but if it’s there, it’s fair game to dwell on.
I will now impart to you what I personally do to try and make my choice to be happy easier. It may not work for you, but hell, it’s worth a try.
1. Understand why you’re unhappy. This is easy, but also insanely difficult. When someone says they don’t know why they are unhappy they are bull shitting you (unless they have an intense chemical imbalance, in which case they should look into medication.) Most of the time you know exactly what is making you unhappy but you don’t want to admit it to anyone, especially yourself. Here’s my tip: GET OVER YOURSELVES. Sit down. Take a few deep breathes and ask yourself out loud, “why am I unhappy?” Once you know why and completely accept it, you can move on to the most important step: Step 2.
2. Get your shit together. This is only a 2 step process by the way. Being unhappy makes complete sense sometimes. In fact it can help motivate you if you let it, but most of the time it is a choice you made and it’s a constant anchor that you don’t need. There are a few solid ways to get your shit together and they are as follows:
- Finish something creative. Finishing is the important word here. Think of something creative to do with your time and FINISH it. Accomplishment is the Anti-Unhappiness.
- Surround yourself with people you love. NOT people you sorta like or people who annoy you but you deal with it because…you don’t even know why. Find the people who really love you and be with them. If you tell them you are having a tough time they will help. If they wont then that’s kinda messed up. Find new people. ALSO, the really important part about this is that you have to tell those people that you are working towards happiness. You are in a shitty place right now, but you are determined to dig yourself out. If you are determined they will be twice as determined to help. Side note: Being helpless is unattractive.
- If you need to talk about it then talk about it. Let it out. Let water fall out of your face if that’s your thing. Holding it in wont help. Even if you are just saying what your problems are in the mirror. Pro tip: Use your words.
- Understand not everything is a quick fix. The people who said “the only true healer is time” are ass holes, but they are right, and since every moment of every day in considered part of “time” it is up to you to figure out how much of said “time” you need.
- When you finally feel happy, don’t let it be because you said to yourself you are happy now. Making the choice to be happy is not saying it and then having it be so. Making the choice to be happy is to stop putting yourself down while simultaneously telling the world to shove it. While someone or something else might have been the catalyst for your unhappiness, no one else but you decides when it’s time for that to stop. Others may help, but they can’t actually make that decision for you.